The images being used for this post are from a small Japanese company called Yamashita Latex who actually make Astrology Condoms.

ARIES:

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Aries are action oriented people. Aries is symbolized by the ram, so naturally Aries condoms are made from the finest lambskin.

Because Aries often exhibits a “get up and go” attitude, Aries condoms are steel belted, feature racing stripes, and every fully equipped sports car dispenses them. Onyx packaging is optional for the black sheep. Aries prides themselves on being first and best.

Aries condoms are perfect for quickies. When you want what you want when you want it, you want an Aries condom.

TAURUS:

Taurus is perhaps the most sensual and economy minded of the astrological signs. Taurus condoms are made from the most luxurious materials with special models available in silk and velvet.

Taurus condoms give you quality at an affordable price, and they’re frequently on sale. Taurians may be slow to make their minds, but once they’ve made a decision, they’re almost impossible to stop.

When your love is a sure thing, you want a Taurus condom. The bull symbolizes Taurus. Taurus condoms are the ones you want when you’re really horny.

GEMINI:

Gemini’s are known for their versatility, intellect and communications skills. Accordingly, Gemini condoms accommodate a variety sexual positions and combinations.

Gemini condoms are sold in multi-packs and come with a special audio chip. Naturally, they’re available through mail order. Frequently, Gemini condoms sell two for the price of one. They always come in special pop up dispensers so that you don’t have to work too hard.

Gemini is the sign of the twins and Gemini condoms come in twin packs and are the preferred model for double headers. When you need to do it more than once, you need Gemini condoms.

CANCER:

Cancer is a water sign and as such is very much interested in safety and tradition. Therefore, Cancer condoms are waterproof and heat treated for hot tubs and natural springs. Cancer condoms make you feel secure.

Cancer is also the sign of motherhood. With Cancer condoms, if you decide to become a parent, you can always return the unused portion for a partial refund. Cancer condoms are clingy. Never has history known a time when Cancer condoms were not available. Fine antique specimens grace many collections.

Astrologically speaking, Cancer is associated with the breasts. The makers of Cancer condoms are happy to sponsor the annual spring “Breast Worship Rituals.” Cancer condoms are freely dispensed to beautiful, large breasted women.

Cancer is symbolized by the crab. When you’re not getting enough love and are starting to feel crabby, reach for a Cancer condom.

LEO:

Leos are known for their passion, pride, and (pro)creative urges. Leos tend to be a bit flashy, showy and original in and out of bed.

Leo condoms come in gold foil packaging with custom monogramming. Leo condoms come in one size: extra, extra large.

Leo is symbolized by the lion. When you’re ready to meet your mate and make wild jungle noises, you’re ready for a Leo condom.

VIRGO:

Virgos are fussy and particular. Virgo condoms feature perfection of fit and they keep you neat and clean.

Virgos tend to be environmentally sound consumer types. Naturally, Virgo condoms have the lowest failure rate, the highest performance rating and come equipped with a detailed, all purpose instruction manual.

Virgo is symbolized by the virgin. When you’re ready for some ritualized defloweration activities, you’re ready for a Virgo condom.

LIBRA:

Libras are suave and anxious to please others. Libra condoms are the fancy European models and come in fashionable hand-painted designer packaging.

Libra condoms make for an elegant accessory on the best dates. Libra condoms are aesthetically pleasing to both partners. They are reversible and can turn into a diaphragm thus sharing the responsibilities.

Libra is symbolized by the scales. When sex weighs heavily on your mind, you want a Libra condom.

SCORPIO:

Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That’s probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they’re a Scorpio.

The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn’t scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn’t get caught.

Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement.

Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.

SAGITTARIUS:

Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way.

Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases. Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a lot and they are extra thick to protect against fluids of a dubious nature.

The archer symbolizes Sagittarius. When you want to be on target with Cupid’s arrows, you want a Sagittarius condom.

CAPRICORN:

Capricorns are known for their longevity, wisdom, practicality, ambition and earthy sensuality. Capricorns tend to be on the conservative side.

Capricorn condoms are the most durable, having the longest shelf life. Capricorn condoms are extra strong to last extra long. With Capricorn condoms, wing tips, pin stripes and brief cases are optional. Be sure to shake them out from time to time, otherwise they go stale.

Capricorn is the sign of the mountain goat. When you’re horny enough to climb the mountains of love, you want a Capricorn condom.

AQUARIUS:

Aquarians are gregarious, yet aloof. Aquarius is a high energy sign, and one that is usually politically correct.

Aquarian condoms are just a little bit kinky. They come colored hot pink and electric blue, and they come with a battery pack to light up in the dark and French ticklers for extra stimulation. With Aquarius condoms, the packaging features political slogans such as the MiXXe Maxim, “Things can change overnight; it depends upon how late you stay up and with whom doing what.”

Since Aquarius is a social sign, Aquarian condoms come in multi-packs and are detachable to share with your friends. Aquarius is the sign of the water bearer. When your love juices really get to flowing, you want an Aquarius condom.

PISCES:

Pisces is known for their deep feelings that somewhat border on mysticism. Pisces are idealistic, sometimes to the point of ecstatic bliss.

Pisces condoms are truly extra sensitive and translucent. Little spikes are optional on the inside. Pisces condoms contain special instructions for erotic fantasy games.

Pisces is the sign of the fishes. When it smells like love and you’re on a seafood diet, you want a Pisces condom.

Get insight into the passionate nature of the astrological signs. Your seductive kisses may not just be due to seventh grade practice, it may be attributed to the stars. Find your style and start kissing away.

Aries – Their kisses are quick and passionate fits of lustful pleasure that are there and then gone.

Taurus – Their kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt and can go on and on and on …

Gemini – Their kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles, smiles and funny observations.

Cancer – Their kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go.

Leo – Their kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing. They expect applause for their performance.

Virgo – Their kisses are so subtle and tidy, their lover only notices them once they’ve finished.

Libra – They’re often too busy worrying about their breath to get into their kisses.

Scorpio – They skip the kiss and get to straight to … whatever they desire next.

Sagittarius – Their kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more.

Capricorn – Their kisses are intense moments of sublime relief from the stress of the day.

Aquarius – Their kisses are wet and messy, and they tend to keep their eyes open.

Pisces – Their kisses are starry-eyed, amorous and long-lasting.

Source: Astrology.com

Can’t figure out what to get you’re Aries mother? Have a picky brother who is a Capricorn? What about your Scorpio father/sister? Taurus grandma? Virgo aunt? This guide to Christmas gifts for the signs should help!

Aries- a $500 Visa gift card. They can shop to their hearts content.

Taurus-a cookbook full of their favorite recipes. Or trip to the spa.

Gemini- the latest laptop by Mac, or the latest iPod, the latest digital camera, or the latest cell phone. If it’s techie, it’s right for the Gem.

Cancer- a digital photo frame of their family and friends.

Leo- tickets to the theatre. Also, a gift certificate for their favorite store with a personal shopper. Leo craves anything having to do with the spotlight.

Virgo- cleaning products, cleaning products, and even more cleaning products. Also, a gift basket full of organic bath products.

Libra- a very lovely pajama and robe set.

Scorpio- a sex toy. If, failing that, some spyware software. If failing that, a really cool suspense or mystery novel-just not the latest bestseller. A paranormal romance or romantic suspense novel is the best. If failing that, get them a really cool calendar.

Sagittarius- a plane ticket to anywhere they’ve been dying to go.

Capricorn- a $1000 Visa gift card. Or, a 24k gold Rolex.

Aquarius- coupons for just the two of you for one day.

Pisces- a video game, some flavored massage oil, a gift certificate to the sex store, meth or heroin. Whatever suits their addiction du jour.